"So long as you live in the past, you'll never find your future."
This week we finally learned who Dr. Whale is. Yay? I mean, that's cool and all, devoting another entire episode to a character who hasn't made any impact on this show whatsoever. I figure we're going to spend the entire season trying to reunite the fairytale world with, uh, Maine, so there are around 10 - 15 episodes of filler we'll have to sit through. This was actually a pretty entertaining episode, but the show, already chock full of characters from completely unrelated sources, has now achieved a total kitchen sink level of nonsense. Beware, characters of ANY BOOK EVER WRITTEN. You are probably going to end up on this show.
C+ Whatever happened to fun vagina-loving Dr. Whale? He used to be the horny comic relief this show so desperately needs. He's really a mad scientist hell bent on bringing his poorly stitched together brother back from the dead? That is not... funny. Or... sexy. Now Dr. Whale's office has inexplicably turned into a haunted house, and his arm has been ripped off, and he's bringing back Regina's boyfriend all willy nilly because he's so desperate to go to his land. There is so much magical ass to get in Storybrooke, Whale. What's the rush?
Also, what is this "land" that he's from? The land where the studio system still exists and everyone has bad British accents? The land where everything is based on science, but you're still hanging out with a man with a magical hat? The land where everything is in black and white except for tasteful red elements like some sort of super sophisticated wedding photo?
You guys look great.
At least he gets his arm back, because he's going to need it to grope them nuns.
Emma & Snow White
D & C- These two ding dongs are perfect for each other. Emma is a super sleuth detective who still hasn't figured out that all you need to do is play Disney movie trivia with unidentified characters to figure out whether they're good or evil. And Snow White is a happy accomplice in all of her daughter's moronic plans, like tying up Captain Hook, calling for the ogres, then hanging around to shoot the shit for a while. Snow and Emma really shouldn't worry about Captain Hook's plans, as his head is probably going to explode from listening to them "plot" against him for the rest of the season.
"This guy's waaaaay too attractive to make it through the rest of the season. You guys, uh, go ahead without us."
God, this guy is so hot and so British and so definitely going to die in a couple of episodes due to the aforementioned qualities. Curses!
A Very evil and very impressive neck muscles this episode. And at one point, the Mad Hatter shows up and presents him with a very large breast implant. What exactly is he up to?
B+ Regina is really trying to be a good person and to not use magic. In order to do this in the real world, she seems to be overcompensating with self tanner in the fairy tale world. She finally gets the goodbye with Daniel she's dreamed of, i.e. being choked by his zombie. Also, why isn't anyone talking about how, on top of being totally evil, Regina has some issues letting sleeping dogs lie... dead in the ground and not in creepy glass coffins on a pedestal. The hell, Regina?
A+ Henry spends the entire episode cleaning up horse manure, then he takes a hoof to the face and gets choked by a zombie!!!
Wooden Clunker of the Week
F "Say hello to your steed."
A- Completely off the rails in terms of backstory, terrible green screen and nonsensical everything. And me so angry about Dr. Whale's identity. BUT. Henry got kicked by a horse, so well done, show! _
- Henry isn't allowed to ride his horse until the horse tells him it's okay to do so. Glad David is on board with the fact that Henry hears voices.
- During Daniel's two seconds of lucidity, he tells Regina that he wants her to love again. Who?!?! This is a story I want to see.
- The pacing of this show continues to be ridiculous. Regina is instantly convinced the "operation" doesn't work. The ogres are coming but suddenly Emma and co. are walking away, totally relaxed and nonchalant. It's day, then night, then day, then night again in Storybrooke. When are we?!
- How does Regina keep leaving the castle to hang out with Rumpelstiltskin without anyone noticing?