Second Star to the Right.
We’re hurtling towards something on Once Upon a Time. The end of season two? A summer without Storybrooke? A very long show-induced nap? Yes, all of these things. The show is coming to a close, so the natural thing to do is to kill off(-ish) the least cringe-worthy character of all–Baelfire. Or did they!? I guess we’ll just have to wait until next week to find out… Or next season, depending on how sadistic the writers are.
But all is not darling in the Darling home. For a mysterious shadow with glowing eyes and a penchant for young boys comes to Wendy’s window at night. Like Wendy literally said the shadow let her leave Neverland because the shadow only wants boys. I…don’t know. Isn’t there a Neverland spinoff coming out soon? Is it going to be on HBO?
In a shadowy showdown, Bae gets taken to Neverland, where he plummets into the water and is rescued by Captain Hook. Awkward. And in the real world, Neal can’t help himself and drops through yet another magical portal into what I’m guessing is a land we haven’t been introduced to yet that has 75 different characters with pointless backstories.
Greg & Tamara
Oh, but finally, a little clarity: Greg and Tamara are in Storybrooke to destroy magic because it’s unholy, and they’re going to cleanse the land of it. Of course. Wait, what? This doesn’t really have religious overtones so much as it has ridiculous overtones. And brassy highlights. Somehow we got through almost twenty episodes of this season without these two, and now the entire thing hinges on them.
Then, two amazing things happen: Tamara, who wants to get rid of magic so desperately she’s been living a double life, solves her problem by opening a magic portal.
And Greg, who doesn’t look like a fellow with very good orienteering skills, finds his father’s grave in one try and after, like, three shovels of dirt. He hits something that sounds like metal that is actually a t-shirt, then he finds a skull and says, “Dad?”
“Yes, son?” says the skull.
Wooden Clunker of the Week
“And people like us, we’re here to stop it.” --Oh, brother.
Second Star to the Right
- Neal’s apology to Emma. Actually good and heartfelt!
- Regina’s Disney World Fantasyland commercial. Okay, so maybe this isn’t part of the show, but I would very much like to go to Disney World now, please.
- Big Ben is the creepy thing in the woods in the opening credit. I mean, what an ominous clock. Always standing there, watching you, telling you what time it is.
- Emma’s professional sheriff opinion is that Rumplestiltskin didn’t kidnap Regina because he’s too busy with his new girlfriend. This is criminal profiling at its finest.
- Why does Tamara pretend that it’s so terrible that Regina is gone? She is extraordinarily bad at covering up the truth, and is extraordinarily lucky that Emma is too stupid to notice.
- How do magic portals always know when to close (right after someone has fallen into them)? Just wondering about magic portal science.
Tamara and Greg keep bragging about there state of the art science and technology which is -- knobs, dials and jumper cables? That's it?
" He hits something that sounds like metal that is actually a t-shirt, then he finds a skull and says, “Dad?”
“Yes, son?” says the skull."
"Like Wendy literally said the shadow let her leave Neverland because the shadow only wants boys. I…don’t know."
I laughted SO hard.
Loved how Emma was in the exact place she needed to be in order to smell
sardines, also how appearly the ONLY ship in the enchanted ocean is Hook's ship and, of course, Bae would fall exactly next to this one ship.