New Girl Season 1 Episode 4


"Your little pooch where you keep your extra cookies.”

Let's get right to it: Jess gets a lengthy glimpse of Nick's penis! And penises? They are hilarious. If this show has been a little light on laughs in the past few episode, last night made up for that. Were they cheap laughs? Sure, if you want to be an asshole about it. A laugh's a laugh. And I laughed. A lot. It starts with Schmidt, humiliated by Jess's comment about his extra cookie pooch, stripping down to dance naked in front of his mirror as part of a weird, primal self-esteem ritual. But his reggae music is too loud and Jess – who's not super good with boundaries – interrupts this personal moment and gets a nice long look at Little Nick and lets out a delighted/embarrassed cackle. Jess then wants to talk to the whole apartment about how she sawNick's "pee-pee and bubbles.” She just wants to get it all out in the open and have the boys share their feelings. But Nick is a delicate flower who can't handle anyone laughing within a five-mile radius of his penis. He heads off to his date with a suitcase full of body issues in tow. Obviously, this leads to Nick's date ending poorly. Instead of sexy times with his irony-loving lady, they just awkwardly cuddle. It's weird and they both look unhappy. When he returns to the apartment the next morning Jess still wants to talk about his peen. Hoping to foster an emotionally honest conversation, she retrieves her "Feelings Stick” from her purse. The "Feelings Stick” is basically a little magic wand that Jess gives her students to hold when they need to share their emotions (because despite the evidence to the contrary, Jess is an adult with job). Nick, of course, breaks the Feelings Stick and tries to get away from Jess. Undeterred, Jess chases him to the elevator. This only manages to make things worse. She tries to apologize by telling him it is totally awesome that he explores his sexuality by dancing naked to Jamaican music. Finally Nick realizes Jess can't say the word "penis.” And it is true – she absolutely cannot say the word penis. And their conversation, rather appropriately, devolves into a game of Penis with Jess repeating variations of word over and over again: Pernis. Peeeniissss. Penist. Peeeneer. Unfortunately, all this fun is ruined by Jess's model BFF Cee Cee, whose advice to Jess is basically, "Show him your vadge.” Which, OK, what? Jess wants to make things less awkward. But Jess (being Jess) decides to get naked and go hang out in Nick's room. Which of course is where Nick brings his lady friend from the night before to have the sex they didn't have earlier. And instead of immediately being like, "Oh, hey! I was looking for a sock… don't mind me or my nudity.” Jess tries to hide under the bed. Obviously, this ends disastrously. The roommates gather to discuss this latest violation of boundaries with everyone but Nick jumping aboard the Feelings Stick bandwagon. Nick, being a party pooper, bails on the conversation, forcing Jess to go to Nick and apologize... By learning to say the word 'penis'. Which she does. She also sincerely apologizes. But mostly she says 'penis'. Meanwhile, during all of this, Winston and Schmidt mostly bro-out and talk about:


1) How sad Schmidt's life is and

2) Nick's penis.

Jessica Day

B+ Jess may generally struggle with boundaries but giggling a little at the sight of her roommate's penis? Totally appropriate. A completely normal OK reaction.

Talking about it with everyone? A little less so but she's still behaving in a recognizably adult fashion. Taking Cee Cee's advice and giving Nick a peek of her lady bits? Now we've crossed over into cartoon territory. By and large, however, Jess behaved like an adult for the majority of the episode. An adult with boundary issues, sure, but she also referenced her job! And acknowledged her hang-ups about sex (sort of)! And, most impressively, wore a collection of very sensible looking pajamas!


B+ His post-Latvian basketball star life isn't really taking off: he can't seem to get a job. Largely because the years he spent in pop culture vacuum have really put a damper on his small talk skills. However, his life is nowhere near as sad as Schmidt's which brings him comfort. And me joy. Winston is adorable. Will he ever be promoted from the C-Story?


B- Jess gets a glimpse of Little Nick and has the nerve to giggle at the situation. Look, I get guys can have body image issues too, but Nick was being more than a little bit pathetic. Jess was not laughing at his dick – she was laughing at catching him with his pants around his ankles dancing to reggae music in front of a mirror. There's a difference. Luckily, Nick realizes that his self-esteem issues are at least partially related to having to jump back into dating for the first time in a long time. It gives him the opportunity to be open and honest with his date about his nerves. And Jess the opportunity to step in and really screw up his night. Her giggle didn't need to prevent him from sleeping with Amanda the first time but her presence definitely stepped on the mood the second time around. Can we say, "Cockblock!"?

Cee Cee

F Dude! "Show me yours and I'll show you mine” is a game elementary school kids play – not life advice.

Extra Credit

  • Where is Winston applying for jobs and can somebody refer me? I could talk about pop culture all day.
  • Jess pulls a three-point explorer hat out of her purse with no explanation.
  • People really love making Zooey Deschanel say "penis.”

  • No, but seriously, I graduate in six months: where is this job where GaGa gossip is a crucial part of the interview?


  • I was upset to realize that Betty White is, in fact, the only living Golden Girl.
  • Can't Jess have more than one lady friend? Cee Cee can't be her go to for everything.
  • I'm calling BS on Winston's claim that there was no culture in Latvia. The Internet is a global phenomenon.
  • Zooey Deschanel is separating from her husband of two years Ben Gibbard. Bummer.
Season 1 Episode 3.
Season 1 Episode 5.

Add comment

Wednesday, November 2, 2011 - 10:37am

This was the first full episode of this show that I've seen, and I laughed embarrassingly loud quite a few times. I love Schmidt and his indignation that he'd never seen Nick's peenist.

On that note, though, I find it really hard to believe that Jess, who at the beginning of the show was in a normal, adult, sexual relationship is unable to say the word "penis". If I was dating a guy who couldn't check out my rack without giggling and/or constantly called them "funbags" in a non-ironic way, I would probably murder him with my bare hands so I could spare all of the other women in the world.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011 - 10:57am

The only way I could rationalize Jess's inability to say "penis" was that it was linked to the situation - i.e. that seeing Nick's penis was uncomfortable enough and actually saying the word put it over the edge. I have no basis for this other than that I need to hang on to something when Jess's Quirk of the Week starts to creep into "How did this woman make it to adulthood?" territory.

All and all, I was mostly OK with all the Jess stuff this week because it was confined to the apartment: a place where normal people sometimes have trouble figuring out roommate boundaries. The show seems to be toning Jess down with every episode so I'm hoping by mid-season she won't come across like a precocious third grader.

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