Top Five Wacky, Zany, Batshit-Crazy Next Door Neighbors.

Intro paragraph, that includes a funny anecdote about why I'm writing this particular post. Cultural reference, cultural reference, twitter joke! Meaningful sentence about why television is important to me. Interesting facts, interesting facts leading into segue about actual list. Enjoy!

5. Steve Urkel -- Family Matters

He did do that. Everything you think someone like him would do, he did it. Over and over again.

Steve Urkel is the epitome of the 90's sitcom wacky next door neighbor. He's a nerd! He's in love with the popular girl next door! He likes science! He has a catch phrase! He is very annoying! Steve had all the qualities that one would want from a zany next door neighbor but the reason Mr. Urkel comes in at number 5 is simple: He was no longer funny or enjoyable once you passed the age of 9 (Hence the creation of Stefan Urquelle). I also believe he may have paved the way for the creation of the character Sheldon from The Show That Must Not Be Named. I HATE ALL THINGS ASSOCIATED WITH THAT SHOW. Steve Urkel will forever be ruined for me and must remain at the bottom of this list. I did do that.

4. Jean And Terry -- Up All Night

We've only had sex in one position!

Why did I include Jean and Terry (Gene and Terri?) from NBC's Up All Night? Because they are a prime example that even in 2011, the tired, broken, cookie-cutter wacky neighbor (couple) next door mold HAS NOT DIED. A show as smart as UAN should know better, but I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Jean and Terry was most likely the brain child of .... drumroll please .... THE NETWORK. Another secret: THE NETWORK is generally why a show sucks. However, I will give J and T some credit. They do act as great foils for our heroes Chris and Reagan and they serve as a warning to all shows out there ... avoid NETWORK feedback at all costs.

3. Kimmy Gibbler -- Full House

Hola Giblerita

Why is Kimmy Gibbler good?

  1. She taught me Spanish: "Hola Tanneritos!"- Kimmy Gibbler (That means, Aloha Tanneritios! in Mexican)
  2. Her feets smelled but she ain't care. (Teaching people to love themselves no matter what)
  3. It's not breaking and entering if you live next door and your neighbors are stupid enough to always leave their back door unlocked.
  4. Did I mention SEXY, because she is that.
  5. You ended up normal when all the rest of those hoes got:

a) way too Christian

b) way too troll doll

c) way too meth slut.


2. Sam -- Clarissa Explains It All

Climbing in your windows ... potentially raping all your Clarissa's?

Sam is ranked so highly on this list because this guy's a total creep and he got away with it. He set up a ladder leading into his "best friend's" bedroom and came and went as he pleased. Having once been a teenage boy, I know he did not only use that ladder to give Clarissa advice and comfort. He totally snuck peeks at her boobies. Also, his catch phrase was "What's the worst that could happen?" If that isn't foreboding coming from a person that crawls into your window at night, I don't know what is. I'm not saying I support what an obvious creep Sam was, but I do support that he got away with it. Getting away with it is half the battle (#thingsIlearnedFromRepublicans). Also sweet website, bro.

1. Constance -- American Horror Story


She is number one. She breaks the mold of zany, wacky, goofy next door neighbors, Constance takes it to the next level, this bitch be crazy ( and I know crazy. Just look at my ex-girlfriend. #neverforget). Things that she has done:

  • Murdered husband and maid CHECK.
  • Had children murdered on her behalf CHECK.
  • Fed raw brains to pregnant neighbor CHECK.
  • Helped cover up murders committed by ghost son and his ghost friends CHECK.
  • Help usher in the birth of the ANTI-CHRIST CHECKCHECKCHECK.

I reserved the number one spot for someone I fear. She is that next door neighbor. BONUS: She's kind of hot for an old lady! That's a wrap, suckas. Did I forget anyone?

Add comment

Tuesday, March 6, 2012 - 10:22am

You missed a bunch!
What about Kramer and Newman, Jerry’s wackyo neighbors! I mean Kramer has to be #1 crazy neighbor of ALL time!
Then there is Ned Flanders on the Simpsons.
Also, what about Mr.Feeny on Boy meets world… and Home Improvement’s Wilson!
And Six from Blossom!

Friday, December 16, 2011 - 10:50am

Wednesday, October 10, 2012 - 4:27pm

What about Rose from Two and Half Men?

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