TV's Most American Character.

In celebration of our favorite adult beverage holiday, here's a look at TV's most American characters. Vote for your favorite American! Don't agree with our choices? Too bad. This wonderful red, white, and blue -tini says otherwise.

Frank Gallagher

This July 4th, as you baste your patriotism in cold beer, hot dogs and a calorie parade of mayonnaise-based "salads”, take a moment to reflect on the freedoms we appreciate living in the good old U-S of A. Then throw on some E Street Band and shotgun a PBR because you're an AMERICAN, DAMMIT! If you lived with this sort of immediacy, this hunger for experience, this voracious energy ALL the time, you'd be like Frank Gallagher, patriarch of the Chicago-based Shameless clan, functioning(ish) alcoholic and personification of all the spice that gives America's melting pot that off-putting aftertaste.

Frank Gallagher is the white trash American Dream. While he doesn't fit the mold of a suit-wearin', ladder-climbin' entrepreneur, he embodies a pillar of capitalism: resourcefulness! Frank doesn't just work the system, he BEATS the system. He lives off disability checks, creates his own "public housing” by shacking up with agoraphobic and butterfaces alike, and his tab at The Alibi Room is reaching the levels of Wall Street exec's bonuses. You may call that exploitative, manipulative or cheap, but pop on your rosy-colored aviators –and you'll see an auspicious, innovative citizen trying his best to support small business.

Continued in "Frank Gallagher, The White Trash American Dream".

Alex P Keaton

"When else could a boy with a briefcase become a national hero?” — Family Ties' creator, Gary David Goldberg

Few television characters left such an indelible mark on American culture than the one, the only Alex P. Keaton. Not only did he redefine what it meant to be a young person in America (well, a uniquely conservative, tie-wearing, briefcase-toting young person), but his cultural legacy still exists today in the form of innumerable "What Would Alex P. Keaton Think/Do/Say About the Current Political Climate”op-eds that tend to resurface around election years.

Alex P. Keaton cares about America. More so than most typical 80s teenagers. You can agree or disagree with his politics, but his gung-ho passion and unbridled enthusiasm for the inner workings of our nation's government and economic structure are infectious. If Alex P. Keaton had taught econ at my college, I would probably be running a Fortune 500 company by now.

Continued in "Keaton for America".

Stephen Colbert

Television has supplied us with many, many fine, upstanding Americans to admire. Patriotic, God-fearing folks who remind us what it means to be a patriot. However, one man stands out from this crowd. A man with the steely eyes of a Bald Eagle and the luscious locks of a lost Baldwin brother. One, Mr. Stephen T. Colbert. His unparalleled enthusiasm for this country raises the question:

Stephen Colbert: Great American or Greatest American?

The answer should be obvious but — in case its not because you're a member of the Blame-America-First crowd – let's break down exactly what makes Stephen Colbert America's Greatest American:

Continued in "Stephen Colbert Is America (And So Can You)".

Homer Simpson

If you're looking for America, you need not board a Greyhound and pump up the Simon and Garfunkel. Springfield, USA is home to the most American American in America, and his name is Homer Simpson.

From his big, fat ass to the fact that he doesn't care about having a big, fat ass, Homer is 100%, sea to shining sea you and me. When our forefathers set the tenets of our nation, it was a man like Homer that they had in mind. A family man. A working man. Someone hungry for everything this country has to offer. A hunger that can only be sated with all-you-can-eat shrimp.

Continued in "Homer Simpson: Ode To An American Oaf".

Don Draper

Don Draper is the living, breathing embodiment of the American Dream. He's a man that came from nothing and through hard work, perseverance and maybe one little white lie (Hola,Dick Whitman), achieved the life he always wanted. A job with a corner office in New York City, the perfect wives (Betty's a dead ringer for Grace Kelly, YOU GUYS), two kids (a boy and a girl, of course) and a house with white picket fence upstate (and now a SICK pad in Manhattan). Don Draper has it all and is still completely miserable. If that doesn't scream AMURRRICAN, I don't know what does.

A true patriot, Don is a bastion of hope for all. The Pete Campbells and Peggy Olsons of the world look up and to Don for his professional prowess. To the outsiders (i.e. the women Don ISN'T sleeping with), he appears to be the perfect husband. Little Bobby Draper wants to be just like Dad when he grows up.

Continued in "Don Draper Is America".

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