Nellie Oleson: The Meanest Bitch on The Prairie.

The world is propelled by shitty, horrible, spoiled-rotten people. They inspire the underdogs to rise up and reach their full potential, to never stop striving AND to NEVER let the bad person win. Spurring American Treasure, first class author and all around badass pioneer lady Laura Ingalls Wilder to greatness was none other than the meanest bitch on the prairie: Nellie Oleson.

Never has the phrase 'The face says it all' rang so true.

We all know CU ... rly headed brats like Nellie. They've been given everything since day one but that's not enough for them. Those rare few we deem SPOILED brats not only crave toys and candy, THEY CRAVE POWER. Nellie ruled that prairie with an iron fist. Looking down on her minions from the vast heights of her parents general store Nellie selected her prey. Picking Laura was easy, showing her who's boss was not. Nellie needed an assortment of battle tools to rule as supreme spoiled brat of Walnut Grove; here we dissect her war chest.

Curly Hair Full of Secrets

That time you peeked in the outhouse at your cousin? I store that in my left ringlet.

Inside those seemingly innocent blonde curls Nellie gathered the most dangerous kind of ammunition: secrets. While the town saw a sweet little girl going about her day, Nellie saw an opportunity to listen in on unsuspecting adults (especially her parents and teachers) and use their secrets against them. Never trust someone who looks like the live-action version of Little Miss Muffet.

Bonnet of Doom

Rebecca Black? She was created in this bonnet.

All the better to hide her abnormally large scheming brain with, my dear. And the large capacity she has for cruelty.

Prairie Skirt of Destruction

Skirt sized appropriately for hiding weapons.

Unlike most spoiled brats Nellie wasn't afraid to get down and dirty. Though she lost most of her battles with LIW, she still threw down with the best of them. I'm pretty sure that prairie skirt was the olden days equivalent of Human Growth Hormone.

Rich Parents

Happy Graduation! Here's a hotel and a restaurant. You earned it Nellie, by existing.

90% of rich parent offspring turn out to be assholes 100% of the time.

With all of this in her arsenal, Nellie was almost unstoppable. A constant rival for Laura throughout her childhood Nellie, was a blight on an otherwise pristine prairie existence. Though like most baddies in her later years, Nellie's heart of stone and hunger for power thawed. She fell in love with a cook (SO middle class for her) and even, spawned NICE children! Despite all of their differences, Nellie and Laura ended up friends. What can we learn from Nellie's reign of terror and subsequent transition into actual human being? That she was a real spoiled bitch AND that no one is hopeless. Put THAT in your inspirational pipe and smoke it.

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